Oh Britney. You're such a good pop-star. You give us fantastic teeny-bopper songs (Crazy, Oops...I Did It Again), hilariously horrendous songs (E-mail My Heart), and scandalously sexy songs (Slave 4 U, Gimme More, Womanizer). You give us fake marriages, bad marriages, shaved heads and babies. You give us everything we ask for in a celebrity, from the entertainment to the talent.
So for that, Thank You.
BUT. You also have given us something else, here toward the end of 2008. You have given us the Worst. Song. Ever.
How can I describe how terrible the track My Baby is? Let me count the ways:
1. From the first notes, the song drips with syrupy cheesy and schmutz.
2. The first line is "Tiny hands. Yes, that's you".
3. Britney, your voice is raspy, and you're attempting this song at least an octave and a half too high.
4. There are about 7 little vocal frills per syllable in this song.
5. The third line is "I smell your breath, it makes me cry".
6. Let me repeat that. The third line is "I smell your breath, it makes me cry". I kid you not.
7. What?
8. The chorus to this track has about as much punch as...well...as taking three raspy Britney Spears singing in falsetto and layering them over each other.
Alright, I'm 43 seconds in and I already have 8 ways. You get the point. This track is miserable. It's horrible. And it comes in the context of a surprisingly good album, which makes it so much worse. Also, it's one of the two tracks on the album that Britney co-wrote. Disappointing.
On the plus side, Circus is a pretty great album, and the title track is hot fire - my favorite Britney track in a while. I found myself singing it to myself at the gas station the other day, no joke. Anyway....
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