Once You Go Black...

The title of this post really has nothing to do with what I’m about to write about, but I think it’s appropriate for my first written sermon on The Sally Ride Experience.

So, this summer, the entire world was finally allowed to illegally download the most highly awaited rap album of the past 2 years, Tha Carter 3. I’m not going to lie, I was extremely excited. I have all 139 songs Weezy released last year on mixtapes and liked about 130 of them. And I swear by The Carter 2 – it’s what made every ignorant music fan start calling him “The Best Rapper Alive” (more on that madness later). Anyway, Tha Carter 3 came out, and I listened to about 8 times straight. I’m not here to discuss how good the album is, I personally was very entertained by it and still listen to “A Milli” very frequently. What I want to discuss is the phrase that he did not invent by any means, but helped to popularize.

“No Homo”

Right after the thunder rolls through the beginning of the song “Lollipop”, Mr. Carter utters the phrase “No Homo” right as that syrupy-ass, I’m about to freak 9 girls on the dance floor of a beat comes in. Basically, in case you didn’t get it, Lil Wayne wants the world to know that he is not gay, and because he said “no homo” before 4 minutes of talking about lollipops, all is well.

Well, what I want the world to know is that this phrase is ruining my life.

Not only is it just inherently dumb and pretty derogatory, I have heard this phrase used on the streets of New York in some of the most ridiculous ways. These were the two worst (or best, depending on how you look at it)

Alphabet City – 2 weeks ago

I’m walking behind two boys, they looked about 12. I had my headphones on, not listening to Lil Wayne (“Maneater” by Hall & Oates on repeat, in case you were wondering, no homo). These kids were talking really loud, so I took off my headphones to listen to them and they were just talking back and forth, but every sentence contained a certain phrase… you guessed it… “no homo”. And the sentences were ones like,

“Yo, I gotta go pick up groceries for my moms, no homo”

“Well, call me when you get done with that, no homo”

“Okay man, see you soon, no homo”

It was the saddest moment in my life. It’s the moment I knew I can’t have kids that grow up in this, the “no-homo” generation. Basically, if you show any affection towards someone, that’s a little too gay, but if you end it with “no homo”, you’re in the clear to say anything. This is bad. Very bad.

The 1 Train, yesterday evening

The train is relatively empty, and there are two really dumb sounding 18ish looking girls sitting on the other side of the train from me. They are having a conversation, but every now and then, one of them will say something, they’ll look at each other, say “no homo” in unison, and then bust out laughing. Here’s an example:

Dumb Girl 1: OMG did you see Katie’s dress today?
Dumb Girl 2: Yes, it was so ugly. All I wanted to do was take it off of her and give her my clothes…

(dumb girl pause)
(dumb girl pause)

Dumb Girl 1 and 2: NO HOMO

(laughter)

(end scene).

I looked at both of them and had I not been raised so well and reared in the gentlemanly ways of the world, I would have 3-hit combo’d both of them from across the train (Dhalsim circa 1991)

So, Lil Wayne, even though you did give an amazing concert on MTV a week or so ago (It’s actually awesome), just know you are ruining my life on the regular and I’m almost reaching my breaking point. If I hear you use it one more time, I will not put any more of your quotes on my facebook wall. This is your final warning.

And yes, Andre 3000 is the best rapper alive. Anyone with 2 of the 5 senses knows that. That's the point of this article. Support Andre 3000.

I promise from now on, I'll follow the rules, post really awesome music that I love and such, but I had to get this out of my system. I apologize.

-Boo Radley